On being adopted

 Hey guys, 

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. I haven't posted for a few weeks, and in my last blog, I did indicate I would do a post entirely on what it's like being adopted, how it may have impacted me, both negatively and positively, and... I don't know what else. Let's see where it takes us. 

So my birth mother (my biological mother), the one who actually gave birth to me - in case that wasn't clear - gave me up for adoption prior to my birth. She was only 15 when she fell pregnant with me and was far too young. I went into foster care for a few months before being handed over to my adoptive parents. This is back in 1988, so I guess things have changed a lot since then. But it was a closed adoption, meaning everyone's personal identity was hidden. I don't know my biological parents names, they don't know my adoptive parents names, all that stuff. To this day, I've never met by birth parents, nor have I tried to seek them out, and I'll get into why in a little bit. I do have some letters my parents on both sides exchanged with each other over the first year of my life, along with a school photo of my biological mother. I didn't see it until I was about 15 or 16, and it was so weird, seeing someone who looks like you for the first time in your life. It was like looking into a mirror, sort of. But it was the strangest thing to experience that for the first time. 

I had always grown up knowing I was adopted. There was no moment of truth reveal (unlike seeing that photo). I think I was just constantly told and aware as I was growing up. I think that's a really healthy approach too, actually. I can understand why some adoptive parents would want to keep it hidden. Fear of your child rejecting you, fear of them seeking out their biological parents when they become of legal age. Those were fears my adoptive mother had, and they are valid. I would probably have that same fear as well if I were in her shoes. But on the other side of that, I think people should have a right to know as well. I met a surgeon for a procedure once who was adopted and she was never told. Unfortunately, her adoptive parents both died in a car accident when she was in her 20s, and it wasn't until then, that she found out she was adopted. I can't imagine how hard that would've been for her. She just lost her parents, as if that wasn't enough, but to pile being adopted on top of that when you've entered your adult life... that is... I can't imagine what that would feel like. So I would say... please don't do that to someone. 

I am glad I was adopted. I believe it was the best decision my birth mother could've made. My adoptive parents (both now deceased) were very loving, sacrificed a lot, etc. I was sent to private schools, they were very heavily involved in the primary school community and earned lifelong memberships. I did various sports, supported by them to go interstate to compete for athletics often. So I was given a life that no doubt would've been better than what my birth mother could've given, considering her age. I loved my parents very much, and I know they loved me too. So for me, being adopted didn't really change anything there. They were my parents, that is what I knew, and I was their son. 

In my teens, when we had fights, I would say things I wish I could take back. The classic "You're not my real mum, or dad". I'm sure a lot of adopted kids have pulled that line at some point. But it's such a horrible, disgusting thing to say. I think as kids, we don't realise how much that would hurt, but I know it would've, and I wished I could've taken it back. And to be quite frank, it simply isn't a true statement. It really isn't. 

I was exceptionally close with my mother. My dad and I had a complicated relationship. We clashed a lot, and I do not talk to his side of the family - I've cut them off entirely. But that's a different conversation. 
I would say that there probably were some psychological impacts. I think as a teen, I had a lot going on (as most do), I think I had a bit of an identity issue. I had loving parents, but I had no one that had the same blood. I think maybe I felt subconsciously rejected as a baby, though that wasn't the case. So I think it probably impacted my confidence, and a few other things. My godmother, (my mothers best friend since they were about 8) is also adopted. She believes there were some negative impacts like that with her as well. Happy family upbringing, but underlying psychological impacts potentially. 

So why haven't I found my birth parents, or tried to contact them? I could. There are pathways. But it's just not something I've ever really felt like I've needed or wanted to do. I've definitely considered it. I even sent my DNA to Ancestry. I've gotten matches from it, but nothing close, maybe like 2nd cousin once removed or something (I don't even know what that means lol). If one of them tried to reach out to me and I was notified, I would accept and move forward with communicating and possibly meet, but it's not something I want to or need to initiate. 

I can't really think of anything else to add on the subject. There's probably a lot I could say but.. I think I've covered most of it. Also how is it May already? 

Thanks for reading <3