I love the D. Just not the Drama.

Welcome to my first blog post. I've never done one of these before, or kept a diary/journal, so this is quite foreign to me. My proof reading is going to be quite minimal, so expect these posts to be raw and not flawless. However, I will try and keep it so that it isn't entirely painful to read. Because... well, I do actually want people to read these! I'm going to aim for a post a week. 

So, anyway! Lately, I've had a lot of things going on. A lot of feelings, a few falling outs, frustrations, tears, laughs. Many ups and downs, and so I wanna talk about it.

I started streaming in around August 2024 on twitch. Something I never thought I would do. If you'd like to see what I'm about, head over to twitch.tv/tixltv and say hi!

I wanna talk a bit about the journey so far. Overall, it's been amazing. I've met many incredibly people, made lots of new friends. People who I treasure and talk to most days. People who have become part of my life, even if only in an online space. We play games, listen to music, talk about.. stuff. I've somehow managed to get a bit over 1500 followers so far. My discord has over 200 members, and whilst they're fairly small numbers, they are more than I ever thought I would achieve. 

I am looking forward to continuing to grow our space, meet new people, make new friends. But it's not all sunshine and rainbows. Streaming does kinda stress me out a little. I don't want to say the wrong thing, or upset someone. I'm very much not a PC person, so sometimes I might offend someone, and it's not intentional. I haven't really had any complaints about that though, none at all, in fact. Though it can be stressful, I do enjoy it, don't get me wrong. But I don't enjoy drama. I hate it, especially when I'm involved, or have to deal with it. I want everyone to get along, but that's just not realistic. 

Recently, I had a fall out with a community (not mine). But basically, someone had tried to cause drama between myself and someone I care very deeply about. I did try and talk to the person, and they just said they didn't care, so I put them on ignore. Done, dusted, disengaged. A mutual friend asked me to unblock them so that they could try and make peace. I did. Never heard anything. No apology, nothing. So a few months later, I put the person back on block. Because of that, I was removed from the community due to them having a "rule about not putting each other on ignore". How ridiculous is that? But the person who caused drama, and who couldn't apologise for it... They're ok! They can stay. good boy! Anyway, back to my community! I can't fathom implementing something like that. People just aren't going to get along with every single person. 

When I get upset, or feel like something is wrong, I try and talk to the person about it. If that doesn't work out, then I will usually walk away. I think that's a healthy boundary to set. What I have learnt recently during this fall out (and its not even related to my community), is that sometimes people will take up a "choice of perspective". By that I mean, people will choose to believe what they want to believe, or think what suits them. Some people just won't be objective, or try to empathise, they'll take a narrative that suits them. It doesn't matter how logical you are, how much you try to explain something. Sometimes it's due to arrogance, pride, taking something personal even though you've told them you just want space for a little while. But somehow you're still the problem. 

Part of being a streamer is trying to build a safe, fun environment. You can't please everyone. Not everyone is going to like you. You're not going to like everyone, and people aren't always going to like each other. 

My advice? I know you didn't ask for it, BUT YOU'RE GETTING IT. OK?

If anyone punishes you for having boundaries, (or for calling them out for their bullshit) they never respected you in the first place.

Don't waste your time with them. Back yourself, stand your ground. 

Surround yourself with people that make you happy, that bring you positive energy. Those who bring the opposite are simply not worth your time.

Promise my next blog won't be about drama, but I needed this off my chest.

<3 you, thanks for reading x.