Personal reflection and health updates

 Hi all, 

I hope you've all had a lovely week and weekend. It's 10:42pm Sunday night AEST at the time of starting this blog, and my weekend has been pretty damn good. Apart from my baking adventures..

I'll start by saying this; I didn't know yeast expired. Yep.. you read that right. I didn't know that was a thing. So, I tried baking a garlic and rosemary loaf a few weeks ago with a bread maker, and it seemed very doughy in the middle, didn't rise, didn't have that bready feel. Thought perhaps it was because I had put actual milk in instead of powdered milk - albeit, a small amount - but that clearly wasn't the case. Today I did some more research to figure out the issue. Most likely culprit is the yeast. Especially because it's BB was 2023... Now, I'm kind of sitting here thinking 2023 was yesterday, but it's also 2026 now.. In fact, we're almost half way through it... So, idk. Where the... ???????? I'ma wake up tomorrow and be 90. But it's a lesson learnt, and even though it was probably obvious to everyone else.. In case you're as special as me, hey.. you came here and learnt something. YoU'rE WeLcOmE :) 
 
Regarding personal reflection.
I think we've all kind of been presented with this question/scenario by this point, but... (and sorry for cliche) Have you ever been/felt all alone in a crowded room? Ever felt that every day? Or almost? 
I feel like that constantly. I also feel like that during games, during discord calls with friends. Even when I'm streaming. I'm trying to figure out why that's the case. And I know I'm not alone in feeling that way. I think most people would feel that even once, or a small handful of times in their lives. I would go so far to say it probably is even a natural feeling, or rite of passage through life. 

It's probably quite surprisingly relatable. I suspect it is, anyway. 

For me, I think I've been a lot more in tune with myself lately than in the past. Mentally, physically, all of the "lly's". So I'm trying to analyse everything. My first blog mentioned some falling outs. I wish this weren't the case, but my brain is still reeling over all of what happened there, so that's definitely playing a part. I think the fact that I'm adopted (and I will dedicate the entirety of my next blog to this) has always played a part throughout most of my life in feeling this way. Then a few health things I've been feeling, experiencing, contemplating, and even a diagnosis. 

Guys... I jumped on the bandwagon... I did it. Please forgive me. It's actually probably not even a surprise to most of you. But I've officially been diagnosed with ADHD. Yep - one of those. Another one. I KNOW.

I have always felt kind of alien, never fit in, all that stuff. Lone wolf. I really struggle to accept a compliment. It feels to foreign to me, even though it's nice at the same time. I'm still trying to navigate how to react. I think it's probably most normal to smile and say thank you, and reply with a compliment in return. A genuine compliment, nonetheless. And I think a lot of this will tie back in to the next blog about being adopted, because, imagine your whole life being with a family, parents, cousins, all that jazz (no matter how loving they were), to still feel like an outcast. 

I've been having palpilations non stop lately, so I wore a holter monitor TWICE. First reading was invalid, second seems to have come back with nothing (which is good). The palps have since subsided (always the way - also a good thing I guess?). I had full bloods, came back clear, though still a little low on the iron side, but nothing below the safe/normal zone. But I did get the ADHD diagnosis, which wasn't a surprise, and does explain a lot. But, it's something a lot of people have said to me, either jokingly or half jokingly or even full seriously. It's been commented/speculated throughout my life. My parents never got me assessed, so I did later on in life, and well.. here we are. 

All is good, I'll document when I start being medicated, what I notice etc. And next time, we'll deep dive into what it's like being adopted and how I think it has impacted me. Both positively and negatively. 

Enjoy your week ahead, and thanks for reading <3 x